When someone you care about does something that hurts you, approaching a conversation with them can be awkward and challenging to navigate. Because of your relationship with the person, you want to approach the subject with delicacy if you wish to preserve the relationship. However, it is crucial to understand that what you allow from others teaches them how they should treat you. It is okay to have feelings and recognize that someone hurt you, and telling those that hurt you directly will help you set boundaries. Consider these tips when approaching the conversation to ensure it is successful.
Don’t Assume They Know They Hurt You
Approaching the person with anger can result in further consequences if they aren’t sure they hurt you in the first place. Many people are unaware that their words or actions cause harm. Talking to the person calmly and directly telling them that their previous actions hurt you can help resolve the issue.
Use “I” Statements
Keeping the conversation civil should be the goal, as anger and personal attacks can escalate the situation. Instead of using direct “you” statements that may come across as blame, using “I” statements will give the person a better idea of how their actions made you feel. Avoiding “you” statements should help resolve the issue quicker without escalating the conversation.
Uphold Your Boundaries
If the person gets defensive and tries to turn the conversation back on you, it is crucial to uphold your boundaries. It is not worth keeping someone in your life when they refuse to acknowledge your feelings and boundaries. Saying “no” and upholding your boundaries will protect your general health and well-being, and you should not feel guilty for maintaining them. Don’t keep around bad people to spare their feelings when you are being hurt.
When someone you care about hurts you, knowing how to tell them can be challenging. You hope that the conversation will go well and that you will resolve the issue, but the possibility of them reacting badly is always present. By following the steps listed above, you can help mitigate the situation and get a better outcome. At Alta Loma Transformational Services, we offer programs for men struggling with addiction and mental health. Learning how to have difficult conversations is a vital part of the healing process, which is why we include these lessons in our programs. Call us to learn more at (866) 457-3843.
